But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in and (acknowledge and cleave to Me) to stumble and sin (that is, who entices him or hinders him in right conduct or thought), it would be better (more expedient and profitable or advantageous) for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be sunk in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 18:6 Amplified Bible
My message today deals with a subject that is hard to teach about and so we don’t usually hear it coming from the pulpit. In this forum it’s a bit easier. I know from my ministry email that abuse, of one sort of another, effects a lot of Christians. Today I will deal with sexual child abuse, on Monday I will deal with spousal abuse. But in both cases there are a lot of common threads that run through the abusers. It’s all about abuse of power, and control.
Child sexual/physical abuse victims are extremely hard to counsel, to begin with they find it really hard to trust anyone. In most cases they have never been able to deal with the anger and so for years and years it’s been buried. They want help, but they don’t trust that God will help them, because they have found that “authority” figures in their lives have not been trustworthy. They may have been abused by a relative. When they then find the courage to go to another “adult” about this, they are often called “liars” Add to this the fact that they often feel they have to keep the family “secret” and in my opinion child abuse is the gift that can keep on giving for years, and years.
The scripture at the top, is just one of the many that I have found that tells you how seriously God takes the matter of abuse. God will come against this sin with fury!
One thing that I find extremely frustrating in working with adult victims of childhood abuse is that often times the victim is re-victimized by people who tell them, “You are crazy, that never happened.” If this goes on for years, at one point the victim begins to wonder if they truly are going crazy. They begin to wonder if it was their fault, did they somehow imagine it, are they indeed as bad as people tell them they are?
The adult victim of childhood abuse is overly sensitive, angry, steeped in shame, and doesn’t trust anyone. Can you blame them?
Let’s talk a little about the “abuser.” They are not Christians, no matter how much they try and convince you and others, for a Christian has a conscience. They are psychopaths who only care if they are caught, and the care they feel is for themselves, not others.
When those who were abused as children come to the Lord they become confused in the area of forgiveness. Yes, we are to forgive people that use and abuse us. We don’t have to fellowship with them. Some folks think they can still go around their abusers and perhaps they think, by their forgiving hearts, these abusers will change.
I believe in the power of God to change anyone, and forgive anyone. However, I don’t think God wants people to spend a lot of time with their abusers. I have heard one woman, a mighty woman of God, talk about forgiving her father who sexually abused her and buying him a home. But, remember, this woman is a mature Holy Spirt anointed Christian, who has a mature Holy Spirit anointed Christian husband. She has dealt with the effects of the abuse and God has set her free from it. Most of us aren’t that mature enough in the Lord, until Christ renews our minds and sets us free. It took her years to get to that point, don’t expect to be there, yet.
I believe that until a mind is renewed by the Lord and a victim has been set free from the anger, ect, that the abuse caused, you should have as little to do with the abuser as humanly possible. Satan will try to convince you otherwise, as his agenda is to keep you confused and in pain.
When you go around a demon oppressed abuser, you are on Satan’s territory. The demon working through that person see’s you as weak. Spending time with that person is going to bring up all kinds of issues that you may not be healed enough to handle. In a lot of cases your mother or other family members may have denied the abuse. They may still deny the abuse. This will bring up anger issues that you deal with by making others around you emotional scapegoats.
What benefit is there is going around your abuser? If you have children, why would you put your children in harm’s way? In the majority of cases that I counsel with most offenders never were prosecuted. Even the ones that have been usually re-offend. These are a few of the reasons child sexual abuse is never prosecuted;
further victimization by the offender;
other forms of retribution by the offender or by the offender's friends or family;
arrest, prosecution, and incarceration of an offender who may be a family member or friend and on whom the victim or others may depend;
others finding out about the sexual assault (including friends, family members, media, and the public);
not being believed; and
being traumatized by the criminal justice system response.
The first thing a victim needs to do is come out of denial. It happened, you aren’t crazy. Then, you must have as little to do with the offender as is humanly possible, until the person comes to Christ, and admits the sin, repents, and asks everyone involved for forgiveness. It is then, and only then that you need to restore fellowship with the person.
It’s hard because no one likes to think that someone whom they should have been able to trust as an innocent child, abused them. There is a part of you who wants to love that person, and that’s what causes confusion. Sin is sin, if a stranger grabbed a child, a total stranger, and abused them, loving parents would see that they were put away and the keys to the jail thrown away. Yet, too often family members don’t deal with it properly when it involves other family members. They are what is referred to as “co-dependants” and they have their own issues that need to be dealt with and healed.
Jesus see’s your pain. He loves you and that’s not what He created you for. You must face your feelings. You may have to write a letter to the abuser and let them know exactly how your felt about the betrayal. I have to say, please don’t expect them to apologize. Most of them never do. The letter is for you, not your abuser.
Then, stay away from that person. Let God deal with them, God doesn’t need you to bring them to Christ. The bible says that the Holy Spirit will lead us all to “truth.”
The important thing to remember is that you are a beautiful child of God. You need to forgive, forget and then when Satan tries to bring you thoughts of the past, you need to remember the following, “The past cannot be changed, but the future can be whatever, you want it to be.”
I have a list of scriptures regarding “trusting in God.” Though too long for here, if you want them, please email me.
You need to be able to confront, in love, anyone you know who defended the abuser and said you were lying. Some folks spend years in pain because they never can face the facts of how badly they were treated and deal with those who committed the abuse, and those that allowed it or covered it up.
The bible tells us “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” God wants to set you free from your past and give you a glorious new future! In John 10:10 we read the following;
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Don’t play with spiders and be shocked if they bite you. Don’t let Satan give you a guilt trip about not spending time with abusers. Until they repent and are set free, they can still use any weakness they perceive in you, to let the demon speaking through them abuse you.
I have a special call on my life to counsel abuse victims. I started “Help for God’s Hurting People” originally for abused people. God then expanded it to help all hurting people. I know about abuse, I know about emotional pain. I have been a victim of domestic and emotional abuse. I know how it affects every area of our lives. God has renewed my mind and set me free. He wants to do the same with you! If you need someone to pray with, talk to, or counsel with please contact me @ Helpforgodshurtingpeople@yahoo.com. I want to see you healed and able to go on with the plan God has for your life!
Father, We thank You that you never change. We can trust the fact that you have held every one of our tears in a bottle, you saw our pain, and your heart broke for us. Because of our pain, we came close to you! You want to heal us, restore us and set us free to help others. We pray for wisdom. Set us free from confusion today, and set our feet on solid ground. We now have the Mind of Christ, because the Holy Spirit dwells in us. In Your Name, the Name above all names we pray. Amen and Amen
Copyrighted material Cathie Miller All Rights Reserved
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